


Baldi Stops Racism

by MinorSmile09



Category: Baldi's Basics (Video Game), Danny Phantom, Ember’s Ghost Squad
Genre: (yes that last one is an actual tag), Blood and Gore, Canon Lesbian Character, Canon Trans Character, F/F, F/M, Gay Pride, Ghost Sex, Graphic Description, Gun Violence, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Lesbian Character, Lesbian Sex, Lolicon, Punishment, Shooting, Shooting Guns, The 2016 Orlando Shooting, Trans Character, Transgender, Trope Subversion, pride month
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-25
Updated: 2020-06-25
Packaged: 2021-03-04 06:07:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24918835
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MinorSmile09/pseuds/MinorSmile09
Summary: Baldi is on a mission from his female nigga Ember McLain!(dear Butch Hartman, please don’t sue.)
Relationships: Baldi/Ember McLain, lesbian ghosts idk
Comments: 5
Kudos: 2





	Baldi Stops Racism

It was one fine day In Ember’s apartment. K-pop music blasted out of her open window, which pissed her neighbors off. Seriously, like, every single one of them. Even the dogs hated it.

  
  


But, on this fine day, Ember noticed a disturbing thing on her computer while she was trying to watch porn.

_“Oh for Christ’s goddamned sake, not another shitty imposter group!”_ Ember yelled, while stumbling across the Ember’s Ghost Squad Youtube channel.

  
  


She became morbidly curious and decided to click on a video, but it was a ‘Despacito’ remix featuring shitty JPEG files of Stephen Paddock and Zamasu from Dragon Ball Super.

  
  


Ember got furious over this and grabbed her cell phone.

  
  


Baldi was busy teaching a class, but he would always answer his cell phone if it meant a possibility of getting ghost pussy.

  
  


Baldi picked up his cell phone and answered it.

  
  


_“Hello?”_

  
  


_“Hey, Baldi? I have something I really need you to do.”_ Ember asked.

  
  


_“I’m in the middle of teaching a class, I still have around 20 students to molest—I mean teach! Plus I’m doing a collab with Shadman later.”_ Baldi replied.

  
  


_“This is important! I need you to punish some hapless teenagers.”_ Ember continued.

  
  


Baldi’s eyes widened with glee.

  
  


_“Go on.”_

  
  


_“Awesome! Okay look, there’s these ghost bitches called ‘Ember’s Ghost Squad’. I need you to punish and/or rape or kill or whatever all of its members.”_ Ember stated.

  
  


Baldi smiled.

  
  


_“Luckily, I have a substitute! HEY, SHAD!”_ Baldi screamed.

  
  


_“WHAAAAAAAAT?!”_ Shadman yelled in the background.

  
  


_“I’ve gotta go do something, can you watch the kids until I get back?”_

  
  


Shadman poked his head into the room.

  
  


_“Is it pizza time already?”_ Shad asked.

Baldi smiled again and gave him a nod of approval. Shad’s eyes became wide with glee as he ran into the room.

  
  


Alex Jones was also vindicated from the mention of pizza.

  
  


_“Take your time, I can do this all day!”_ Shad said with excitement.

  
  


_“Good then, you can do your child molesting—I mean teaching while I can do my disciplining! It’s a win-win!”_ Baldi replied.

  
  


_“Aren’t those two things like, essentially the same?”_ Shad asked.

  
  


_“Well, yeah. Anyway, I must go!”_ Baldi stated profoundly, Naruto running out of the room.

  
  


_“What a guy…”_ Shad mused.

  
  


Suddenly, Shad realized the students were nothing but a bunch of Microsoft Paint drawings.

  
  


This made him instantly erect.

  
  


Meanwhile, at the house of the EGS…

  
  


_“Niggers, niggers, niggers! NOBODY LIKES NIGGERS RAAAAARGH!!!”_ a very drunk and pissed off Celesta yelled.

  
  


The rest of Ember’s Ghost Squad looked at her like she had gone completely off the deep end. But the thing is, they all had… 

  
  


**_(And so have I, for writing this fucking story to begin with.)_ **

  
  


“I… I don’t hate niggers…” Mackenzie added.

  
  


“That’s on you!” Celesta yelled again.

  
  


Suddenly Alex brought out a book on Racism™ and decided to have a peaceful political discussion with Celesta.

  
  


“Woah there! It says here that the FBI’s data is often misconstrued because of false arrests and unreported crimes! There's no need to hate nigg-black people!” Alex chimed in happily.

  
  


“I was black in my previous life…” Froggy interrupted.

  
  


“You were a FUCKING! RUBBER! DOLL!!” Celesta shot down.

  
  


“That was born from the demented mind of a transgender serial killer!” Alex butted in.

  
  


“SHUT UP, FAGGOTS! THE TRANSTRENDER SUPER CHADETTE HAS ARRIVED!” Andrew Blaze shouted, in his-her glorious ghost waifu form.

  
  


**_(Andrew isn’t a girl’s name so this was retarded to begin with, it literally means ‘manly, virile’ in greek, but let’s roll with it.)_ **

  
  


**_(Alex would’ve pointed this out, but she knew it would lead to hot rocker girl ghost sex and it was too early for such acts.)_ **

  
  


Andrew put her fedora on and got ready for a night on the town.

  
  


“OH YEAH! FUCK THE COPS! DOWN LOW!” Andrew yelled at Mackenzie.

  
  


Mackenzie awkwardly gave Andrew a high-five, but this was made up for by the fact that she always felt awkward.

  
  


“FORGET THE DAMN FBI! BLACK PEOPLE DON’T NEED DATA TO BE EVIL! THAT WOULD IMPLY THEY ACTUALLY READ!” Andrew shouted.

  
  


Alex began to question whether she wanted to have hot ghost sex with a racist.

  
  


“So, fellas, what should we do?” Andrew asked, woman-spreading on the couch.

  
  


Meanwhile, Baldi could be seen by their window, staring in with binoculars.

  
  


“Unbelievable! I have to give them my white creamy justice! That’ll stop their racism!” Baldi said to himself.

Anyway… 

Harmony Ingram sat in the corner, self-cutting like it was going out of style.

  
  


“Please… just let the pain of my past lives go away…” Harmony cried to herself.

  
  


Andrew knew what he-I mean, SHE needed to do… 

  
  


Andrew pulled out her katana and fedora, jumped in the air and slashed Harmony across the wrists.

  
  


“BLOOD FOR KHORNE!!” Andrew shouted while Harmony screamed in pain. Blood gushed across the room and stained Andrew’s sword.

  
  


Everyone looked at her in shock. Except Rachael Shadows, who just licked the blood off the floor.

  
  


“Hey guys, wanna go harass Twitter artists? Those guys are assholes and usually pedophiles!” Andrew asked her teammates.

  
  


She… wasn’t actually wrong.

  
  


“Twitter commissions are purely an economic factor!” Alex chimed in once more. She was still horrified though.

  
  


Harmony cried a bit to herself.

  
  


“THAT IS NOT WHERE I WANTED TO CUT!!” Harmony wailed.

  
  


“Oh, quit being a baby! It bugs me that you never cut yourself all the way! We can’t die again anyway, so suck it up!” Andrew verbally abused.

  
  


“I don’t think she’d make a good therapist.” Baldi thought to himself.

  
  


After licking up the blood, Rachael thirsted for more. She reached in the gun cabinet and pulled out a gun that most certainly would be legal in Florida, deciding to go all Quentin Tarantino on her teammates.

  
  


“Do you think I could be a blood god too, Andrew??” Rachael asked, her pupils changing in size every half second.

  
  


Everyone was now scared shitless. Anyone could’ve seen that putting a bunch of hormonally charged mentally ill homicidal ghost waifus on a team would be a bad idea!

  
  


Rachael then shot Andrew three times in the chest, blowing bloody chunks of her ribs and breastplate across the room.

  
  


“Wow! That trigger discipline is really something!” Baldi thought to himself.

  
  


“AAAAAHHHH! I’M GETTING OUT OF HERE!!” Froggy yelled.

  
  


“FUCK YOU, ASSHOLE!!” Rachael shouted, shooting Froggy in the back and blowing chunks of her spine across the kitchen.

  
  


Harmony had already passed out from blood loss, meanwhile.

  
  


Celesta pulled out her spiked and brass knuckles trench knife and open field tackled Rachael, stabbing her in the shoulder and biting her neck.

  
  


Blood got all over the floor as Celesta began to John Wick the shit out of Rachael. Baldi watched in horror. Froggy quickly crawled away, though her legs weren’t working anymore. Because… y’know, her back was kinda literally blown out.

  
  


“I KNEW YOU’D TRY AND SHOOT ME ONE DAY! I HAVE A GUN CARD!!” Froggy yelled, pulling out a bottle of booze and a rag. She lit it on fire and threw it, though it didn’t really catch on fire that well so she essentially just threw the bottle of booze.

  
  


The bottle whacked Rachael in the face, cracked her head open and got glass everywhere, and she was now bleeding even more profusely.

  
  


“AAAGGGHH!! FUCK YOU, FROG BITCH!” Rachael roared, pulling a pistol out of her pocket and shooting Froggy several more times. 

  
  


Rachael then grabbed the broken bottle and shoved it into Celesta’s neck, cutting several arteries and making her start to choke on her own blood.

  
  


“I’VE BECOME DRUNK ON THE POWER OF BLOOD!!” Rachael howled, drinking Celesta’s blood out of the bottle.

  
  


Rachael stuck her fingers into Celesta’s cut open throat and grabbed the ends of it. She started to pull as Celesta tried stabbing her in the leg, but she pulled hard enough to tear her entire neck open.

  
  


The bloodied Rachael jumped up to pick her next target. She looked at Alex and smiled evilly.

  
  


“Hey, are you on your period?” Rachael asked.

  
  


“No… why do you ask?” A now-crying Alex asked, curling up in a corner.

  
  


Well, Rachael probably was, but that’s neither here nor there.

  
  


“YOU ARE NOW!!” Rachael shouted, taking her semi-automatic rifle and shooting Alex in the cooch.

  
  


“AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH WHY’D YOU DO THAT?!” Alex screamed in agony crossing her legs as a reflex to the unimaginable pain.

  
  


“MY MOM SAID I WAS A MISCARRIAGE, NOW YOU KNOW WHAT THAT’S LIKE TOO!!” Rachael yelled.

  
  


Suddenly Rachael looked over and saw Mackenzie holding a 20 gauge shotgun in her hands. Mackenzie Black Ops 2 dolphin dove over a table, blowing a huge chunk of Rachael’s arm off.

  
  


“AAAAAHHHHH!!” Rachael screamed, going into shock. She liked seeing blood, but not her own!

  
  


Mackenzie stuck the shotgun under Rachael’s mouth and fired, blowing half her jaw and a third of her face off.

  
  


Rachael gurgled a bit and fell backwards.

  
  


“I hate guns but that was really fun!” Mackenzie exclaimed.

  
  


Mackenzie looked at Alex, who was sobbing away like a 40 year old who just saw ‘Titanic’ and holding her bleeding crotch. The adrenaline and hormones started to get to Mackenzie, and even though she normally hated dirty stuff she felt really horny!

  
  


“Hey, you wanna have bloody lesbian ghost sex?” Mackenzie asked.

  
  


The crying Alex nodded yes.

  
  


Mackenzie leaned in and began to french kiss Alex. Baldi watched on as the two ghosts took each other’s clothes off and seductively rubbed blood all over themselves.

  
  


Baldi took this time to exit the scene. He had seen enough for one day. He pulled out his cell phone and gave Ember a call.

  
  


“What’s up? Did the job get done?” Ember asked.

  
  


“Um… well, I didn’t exactly have to punish anyone. It’s a bit too late for that now.” Baldi replied.

  
  


“Huh? What do you mean??” Ember asked again.

  
  


“They’re all kind of in a bloody heap right now because they started shooting and maiming each other. One of them got shot in the lady parts and is now having lesbian sex with the other.” Baldi answered.

  
  


Ember didn’t really know how to reply. But she figured what’s done was done.

  
  


“Oh, uhhh, okay. Say, you wanna fuck later?” Ember offered.

  
  


“YAY! GHOST SEX!” Baldi yelled.

  
  
  
  


Credits:

  
  
  
  


OCEAN MANNNN, TAKE ME BY THE HAND, OVER TO THE LAND—

  
  
  
  


Andrew Blaze as Reddit User

Mackenzie West as Coming Out Lesbian

Celesta Reynolds as 4chan User

Alex Gebhart as Politics Understander

Froggy as Voice of Reason

Sidney Secor as The Person Who Isn’t In This Story

Rachael Shadows as Warhammer Player

Ember McLain as House Fire Victim

Shadman as… Shadman? Wait, what?

Mr. Baldi as Guy has who Actually Got Ghost Pussy

(and Harmony Ingram as The Person I Forgot To List In The Credits The First Time)

SOAKING UP THE THIRST OF THE LAAAAAND, OCEAN MAAAAAN


End file.
